Eastern and Australian
Steamship Co.Ltd.,
(E and A)

The first of a Collection of Sea Stories
from Former E and A Pursers

Japanese Doll
by
John Hitches.

I was the Purser of the Eastern at the time and one morning, whilst in port at Yokohama when I was working in my office, a lady with a Margaret Thatcher voice knocked on the open counter and said `Oh, are you the Purser?’ When I said I was she asked, in a very arrogant manner, if I could do her a favour by hand-carrying a Japanese doll to her sister who lived in Adelaide. Always being a kind and altruistic person (which, regrettably, throughout my interesting life always ended up getting me into trouble by people taking advantage of me – but leopards cannot change their spots!) I agreed. Later I was to wish I had not been so kind on this particular occasion

She arrived with the doll the following day – it was in a wooden box which stood about 3 feet high and was about 1 foot wide on all 4 sides. Thinking nothing of it at the time I just put it in a corner in my cabin. She thanked me and that was that. Well a few days later we were en route to Shanghai – and unless you had ever experienced it at the time, the procedures for getting a vessel into a port in Red China were extremely complex and the paperwork the various authorities required had to be seen to be believed. Up to 20 copies of most documents – and all had to be in both English and Mandarin!! I reckon that the pile of paperwork the Purser had to produce would have stood about 4 foot tall on the table!!
(An example of one document required was a listing of all cameras and binoculars held by passengers and crew together with makes, model nos and serial nos!! In addition all these items had to be placed in the radio room before arrival where they could be checked against the list and then the radio room would be sealed to avoid the possibility of transmitting or receiving any radio messages!! Remember this was all within 9/10 years of the Mao Tze Tung takeover of China and the Americans and us were all Imperialists!!)

Anyway a day or so out of Shanghai I looked at the doll box in my cabin and suddenly thought - hell, what if it is not a doll inside? Could it be full of opium or something which would have got me shot with a single bullet to the back of the head at dawn the next morning!! So, I thought I would be smart. I made up a manifest for it (as a Japanese doll) and placed it in the Bullion Room. When the Customs guys came to that manifest they wanted to see the item, of course so I took them to the Bullion Room, unlocked it and swung open the heavy metal door and there, in all its glory, sitting in the middle of the room (about 100 sq feet I think) was the English lady’s gift to her sister all nicely nailed up in the box I have described earlier. I attempted to shepherd the guys out again before they asked too many questions in their very, very broken English but they stayed put and I gathered they wanted me to open the box and prove there was only a doll inside. Well, being very brave, I said if they wanted it opened then they would have to do it themselves!! They sent away for a hammer and other tools and then set about opening the box. I was terrified as I watched – what if it was full of Chinese currency (Yuan) which was not allowed outside China at all at that time - with the then penalty probably being death!! Much to my relief, they did in fact find a doll inside (it was quite beautiful really) and were satisfied and went to leave.

But, me being me, I managed to get them to understand that since they broke open the box they would have to put it all back together again!! Somewhat surprisingly they did. They sent for some nails, pliers etc and actually restored the box to its original condition!! I was delighted that I had got one up on them for nearly all the Chinese officials, in those days, were very arrogant and supercilious. Anyway, that doll box caused me trouble at just about every port we went to. I left it in the Bullion Room and always produced a manifest for it but in Tsingtao, Hong Kong, various ports in Borneo and finally on return to Brisbane I always found myself in trouble with the Customs officials over it. I always explained what it was doing on board and what had happened in Shanghai. I must have been convincing because although there were always lots of questions it was never opened again I was so glad when we reached Port Adelaide (early on a Monday morning) and that finally I would able to get rid of the blasted thing!!

I had the Japan English lady’s sister’s telephone number and as soon as all arrival formalities were completed I called her. Well, was I in for a shock! another Margaret Thatcher voice said `Oh, you are here at last – I have been expecting you for weeks. Now, when can you deliver my doll?’ Me deliver the doll – like hell!! All the more so since it had caused me so much trouble at every port!! Always the gentleman, (still am!!) I maintained my cool and informed this MT voice clone that it was not possible for me to deliver the item (by the way her address was miles across the other side of Adelaide and we were berthed at Port Adelaide …….) and that she could collect it on board either that day or any of Tue, Wed or Thu mornings before 11am She then informed me in the most arrogant manner imaginable that she was playing bridge on Tuesday, had a hair appointment on Wednesday and was having visitors on the Thursday so I would have to deliver it since she had no time to come and collect it!!

At that stage I must admit I found it difficult to continue being a gentleman and told this totally selfish and unrealistic English woman in no uncertain terms that I was not the slightest bit interested in her social calendar and that if she wanted the doll it was available for collection on the days and at the times I had specified and that we were sailing at noon on Thursday She snorted a bit and complained how unhelpful I was and that was the end for me. I did what I have only ever done about 3 times in my life – I quickly said goodbye and hung up.

Now at last to the end of the story. No-one turned up to collect the doll and soon after we had passed Outer Harbour I took the box with the doll in it out of the Bullion Room and took it to the rail of the ship and hurled it as far as I could out into the ocean!! Nearly went with it myself since the throwing force I used was immense!! At last it was gone – it would cause me no more trouble!!

Postscript:
Looking back on the whole episode later I came to the conclusion I was mad. I should have kept the doll for myself – it was really a beautiful piece (as I saw in Shanghai) and I wish I still had it today!!

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